SIR Liam Donaldson, England's chief medical officer, was last night talking crap again.

In his first outburst since talking crap about swine flu, Sir Liam said middle class people in Britain are spending up to 70 hours a week devising new methods for getting wine and hard liquor into their children.


He said: "The unemployed welfare state class people who drink all day and make no attempt to raise their children are obviously not the problem. It's the middle-classes and their obsession with trying to understand how their children think and feel while slipping some Muscadet into a big jug of Ribena."

Sir Liam said there was evidence middle-class children will grow up to have wine with their meals, plus a few gin and tonics or a couple of bottles of real ale, especially at the weekend.

"If the middle class continue with this obsession, our country will be filled with reasonably well educated, well mannered people who may get gently pissed from time to time."

When challenged by media sceptics about the evidence for his advice He added: "What evidence? I'm the chief effing medical officer, that's what evidence."

Helen Glass, a mother-of-two from Grantham, said: "I'd love to answer your questions but I need to get home and add some Chianti to my three year-old's mashed chicken and carrot before In the Night Garden comes on. He won’t watch it unless he’s pissed."

Martin Bishop, an accountant from Peterborough, said: "In our house we have a strict timetable. Homework, supper and then wine tasting from 8pm until about three in the morning. After that it's two or three brandies and then it's straight off to bed."

He added: "My 12 year-old has had to give up trumpet lessons until he can talk me through the finer points of a Semillon Chardonnay from the Bergerac area of the southern Dordogne. That boy will learn even if I have to take a stick to him."

Bill McKay, an architect from Doncaster, said: "It does sound as if he's talking crap again. Not only that, but he's ignoring the vitally important point that drunk children are much funnier and more interesting than sober ones." he added....

"Most of the time my 15 year-old is a miserable, self-absorbed obnoxious little ****. But give him five glasses of Cloudy Bay and he'll do an incredibly bad Shakin' Stevens impersonation. It's better than Midsomer Murders I can tell ya.”


as told to Andy Baxter


.