Cockermouth “well placed to emerge from water-based recession,” claims Chancellor

A bullish Alistair Darling today claimed that the government’s “prudent management” of the environment combined with its utter belief in man made climate change, along with the things it is doing to reduce emissions meant that Cumbria was better placed to “emerge from its recent water based recession” than many other regions, such as “ Errrr….Atlantis.” He said

“Let’s be clear about this,” the Chancellor went on to say. “This is not British weather; this is a global problem that probably started in America with Hurricane Katrina. If it wasn’t for Gordon Brown’s firm leadership on the international stage we wouldn’t have had the sunny weather we did this summer.” When challenged that the hot summer was probably down to human co2 emissions causing climate change, he refuted this as “preposterous”, claiming it was Gordon’s firm captaincy “This is no time for a novice with no experience of captaining a sinking ship.” That was the driving factor in the sunny weather.

The Chancellor went on to remind the public that flood waters “could go up as well as down”, but stood by the Prime Minister’s earlier pledge that there would be ‘no more flumes and gusts’.

As told to Andy Baxter