Wednesday, 27 January 2010

FRANCE has pledged to ban Spiderman unless he reveals his secret identity, it emerged last night.

The web-ejaculating superhero has been warned he will be arrested if he is seen swinging through the streets of Paris while wearing his lycra facemask with the big, shiny eyes.

French Minister of the Derriere Jean-Pierre Delafarge said: "hees all-een-one, figure-ugging bodaysoot wiz its built-een webbee-shooters and matching balaclava ees a shallenge to our reee-publeec anz a symbol of ze oppression of spiderrrsss."

But a photographer source called Peter Parker close to the superhero said: "We may not like it but Spiderman has to cover his face. It's part of his spidey-culture and his ability to perform superhero feats unmolested in his day to day life”

He added;

"Its a shame because if you just let him go about his spidey-business unmolested, then eventually he might say, 'you know what, being French is even better than being Spiderman' and he'll remove of it of his own accord, but then again maybe not!”

Peter added: "And anyway, what effing business is it of yours anyway? If he's using his spidey-suit to smuggle drugs or bombs or disguise himself to escape from justice then fair dos. But he's not so piss off. If they don't want Spiderman in France then they should just say so."

Spiderman is also quoted as saying “to be honest, the all in one bodysuit is the least of my problems”

Prime Minister Gordon Brown said there were no plans for a superhero facemask ban in the UK, adding: "Who is Spiderman? I honestly don't know, but I suspect he may be closer than you think..." before winking repeatedly and being led away by the Cabinet Secretary.

The French Government must now decide whether the legislation will also cover Batman, Robin and the Mexican super-swordsman Zorro, though some have called for an exemption as they do at least display their chins.

A French government spokesman said the ban will also include ninjas.

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