X-Factor twins to be co-joined in complex operation

Prevention is always better than cure, that’s the mainstream scientific view and so doctors today bowed to public pressure and agreed to perform a groundbreaking operation to co-join X-Factor twins John and Edward.

Emotional footage of the procedure will be shown in a Prime time slot on ITV on Saturday’s show set to the poignant soundtrack of the Spice Girls hit “2 become 1”.

“The twins suffer from an incurable condition” explained Dr Copout, a leading celebrity wannabe councilor “so the best we can do is help their loved ones and make the remaining time they have together more bearable for everyone. If ever there’s an opportunity to turn two twats into just one, then as doctors it’s a chance we’ve got to take.”

X-Factor judge Cheryl Cole is said to be opposed to the operation on ethical grounds as the boys would become in-eligible for the “groups” category and instead fall to be mentored by her. But the show’s producers are sold on it. “‘If it’s a success, we’ll cleverly mix up their Christian names to give them a single new name. I think we’ll go with EdJohn.” A spokesman said.

as told to Andy Baxter...